“Do you Know that…” As we look at all these “great” posting we can have multiple discussions. These discussions can be fun and at times funny. At the end, they can be classified as a waste of time. These issues which exist today existed since the beginning of time. They may be called E coli today or the plaque many years ago. The common denominator in all these events in history is mankind. Don’t know why we use the word “kind” to descript our species (that’s a point for another time). The issue here is that mankind is greedy and believes that its own life is more valuable than another. It is accepted for a mother to defend her child against another child. Regardless of who is in the right? For those of you who do not follow the rules of society; you are the guilty ones. You may feel sorry for these animals and how they are treated but you feed this demand with your conscience decision to contribute to society by not following the simple rules. As we discuss and try to understand what “true” knowledge is we can talk about what is right and wrong? Does mankind know what is right versus what is wrong? Do we receive this “knowledge” from a higher source, from our parents or from our experiences? If you really want to make a difference in this world you MUST understand that you are only a guess. No matter what material things you obtain you can not take with you. So keep eating at the wrong places, keeping the blinders on and continue to feel as you are better than everyone else. As the old say goes “It won’t matter in 100 years”. Ruben M.
Based on personal experiences, I can relate more to the compassionate and passionate love hypothesis. Many of my family member's love stories seem to go in this pattern. They describe it as basically being star-truck and then having to learn how to manage these overwhelming emotions into something functional, forced by the desire of keeping the companionship of the person who provokes these amazing feelings; I think it fits perfectly the supernatural perception of love humanity has, which I believe in. It comes one day, unexpected out of no where; you can't hide it, and you can't control it; is the one event which has all the qualities to change a person's life; it is then up to the persons to make it bloom into the best thing that would ever happen to you or the craziest and most traumatizing significant event which shapes who you become, either way, when "love" comes is innevitable to be affected, is the one thing along desire which will drive you to do things you never thought you did or wish you never did.
Just as Wendolly can relate to the compassionate and passionate love hypothesis, so can I out of personal experiences. I agree very well when it said that "passionate love" tends to last about 6-30 month. that love tends to bloom out from a desire to be with that person, a form of lust, that doesn't even make you sleep, the person then feels compelled to keep this personf orever but, sooner or later, the body changes and seratonin level changes and lust is no longer int he picture, and the relationship falls apart. Compassionate love i believe, is the best form, out of personal experience. Yes there is understanding and respect, is that not worth more? While the emotion are not as intense! it does last much longer, and it does have it's day of intensiveness aswell. Compassionate love doesn't necessarily have to rule out libido. Love is a very broad term, as the biggning says, people even tend to kill while in love, if someone kills, do they really love then? or is it selfish love?
One thing for sure, is that love makes your life shine so much brighter. In my opinion, without love, you don’t have much. This doesn’t mean you have to be IN love, you just have to have a passion for something, something that makes it worth living. Love is not a disease but it is definitely addicting based on the fact that people need the feeling of security, passion, and affection. We all feel this serotonin rush when we are attracted to someone and it takes control over our bodies. We are addicted to this feeling and want it to keep coming back.
I definitely think that the need of attachment can be based on selfish manipulation. We don’t need love, we want it. We want someone to care and give us happiness, physical contact, and so on. Although the need for love/attachment can be based on manipulation, I don’t believe that we love the way we do based on a prepackaged form of manipulation of the system. According to some, compassionate love can be a form of social domestication. I don’t see it this way. I believe that society puts more pressure on people to fall in love, but when we do, it’s real. We don’t try to brainwash our minds to feel the way we do, the feelings are there and very real.
Love is a beautiful thing, or at least it should be. My mother always told me that love is like a plant, that you have to water it with more and more love everyday and I agree. Love is a strong word, for people who have strong feelings for one another. Its not something that you can just throw around to your advantage. As we grow older, our perspective of life changes, its part of growing up into mature adults. Of course some don't always mature and can see things like its some type of game. But love is one you can not take like that. Being a person who is strongly into relationships and for love I can say, society has and will always have an impact on us no matter how hard we try, and this issue with love is no different. Example: How can you be with someone and even get to the point into exchanging vows, which is something serious and its a life time commitment to that other person and then do something that is obviously wrong and will hurt that person deeply. From hiding things to cheating, and then coming back to that person and saying "I love you". People say that love is sometimes painful but how can you love someone and vowed to love and be with them forever, to honor them and respect them, yet they go out pleasuring another person with the same hands and body, which you used to claim love to your spouse. Love is like your morals, dignity and respect to yourself. Its the same rules from today as it was 50 years ago. Of course the right morals and stuff, you cant use that whole "time has changed" deal because when something is wrong, its wrong. No ifs, ands or buts about it. The rules to morals never change, for love either.
Love is passion. To love someone is to discover feelings that you never thought you can have for someone else. At least ion my personal experience that is how it is.I have always been passionate about relationships and i think that you can totally convert passionate love into compassionate love and then make the perfect relationship.
In regards to desire and respect. To love someone is to respect that someone , it does not have anything to do with desiring someone or not. If you love you respect and if you respect you desire. Desire for the one that you love is not a bad thing ,on the contrary , it makes your feelings stronger for that person.
Ok, I know you have certain ideas about love, but the issue here is to problematize them. To present them at least under the gaze of questioning. Even what we think "is" needs to be presented and justified, not just assumed. Now can you do that in 100 words? I think it's worth trying.
I think love itself is a wonderful thing but unfortunately sometimes we do not express it correctly. I think the problem starts when we confuse love with obsession. I cannot understand how some people can abuse loved ones, love is caring for the person we are with and abuse and violence are not signs of love at all. I totally believe people who abuse loves ones have some kind of mental illness. Unfortunately love sickness is growing every day and we see it everywhere, even celebrities are facing it. I believe different motives exist to cause people to fall in love with each other and in some cases these motives are based on cultural belief or selfishness. Love can turn unhealthy if we do not keep it in balance. Love can be a drug sometimes and like all drugs it has negative side effects but it can also be a positive emotion which can help us overcome many obstacles. I agree today love is connected to material goods and that is why we should not follow society rules. We cannot live out of love but love should also not be connected with material goods as much as society is trying to make us believe. Love can get us strength to follow complete our goals in life but it cannot make them happen.
We love our children differently than we love our parents, and we love our home differently than we love our partner. We love our family unconditionally (or at least we try) and selflessly. The love for our home is that of security, comfort and perhaps of a social status. All straight forward. Love with a partner gets more complicated. As we live in a very fast-paced era, even our relationships seem to be different. Unfortunately, it is evident that many of us seek relationships as security blankets to soothe our own insecurities and feeding our egos, rather than seeking more intimate unions based on respect and understanding. Society dictates some form of prescribed monogamist formula, where we claim a sense of ownership of the other person, rather than being more tolerant to their goals and desires. Relationships based on respect, friendships and deep intimacy and trust usually lack the spark and passion of those manic crazy love encounters. We need both. Yet it is impossible to sustain the same passion for decades with the same person. On the other hand, manic unions offer little emotional comfort, true understanding and caring for the other person. In any case we find either sexual or emotional infidelity in both scenarios. Maybe there is more to poly-amorous relationships free of jealousy and unhealthy attachment issues than we would allow ourselves to think about, and would it be a wrong concept to openly accept for a society already confused with the meaning of love?
What came first, the chicken or the egg? This blog suggests the chicken came first. How do we jump straight to crediting Hollywood for “Love”. Would we consider Bill the creator or father of love? Or did he just capture his observations of human behavior or that of his own. This claim seems more like we are begging the question. Just because Hollywood has made many movies on the subject does not yield them the puppet masters for our society in relation to love. These venues are the by products of our natural instinct to Love.
To consider love as a driver or being responsible for manipulation, hatred, abuse and even murder seems to be a fallacy. These are all human “inherited” emotions. The fact that love may have been the ultimate goal, the means chosen or used such as murder cannot be blamed on love. Since manipulation, hatred, abuse and murder are not necessary conditions for love.
As far as the other studies describe in this blog I believe we can all agree that “Love” is a powerful human emotion. Love may not be a sufficient condition for happiness but we can make an argument that it does enhance. Another point, which I would like to make, is my refusal to accept the suggestion that “passionate love” only last 6 to 30 months.
So, one can pick on “love” and blame it for unfavorable events but I enjoy the stinging feeling of the arrow and love buying my special woman her roses and dark chocolate! Ruben M.
The theory about compassionate and passionate love seems like a pretty accurate way to describe love. The blend of both of these aspects is what the search for love is all about. In today’s society divorce rates are so high because of the point Elaine Hatfield brings up: “passionate love arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal lover, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person.” Popular culture puts all these ideas out there that are supposed to be the “ideal” way to have a relationship, meet the person, get to know them, get married, move in together, and have kids. These are the reasons one is supposed to be seeking a relationship for, but as other psychologists have pointed out, the desire seems to take over sooner or later. Once people realize this fairy tale life isn’t for them it’s too late.
In my opinion love is an inevitable addiction; But like any addiction, it can be used as a positive or negative motivational tool of life Depending on whether a person was deprived or in excess of love at a young age; Furthermore reflecting how that person uses and views it in every day life. For example, someone who has had a sufficient amount of physical love his/her entire life and becomes the lead director of an advertising agency. He/ she then approves an advertisement that expresses love in a physical form that seems offensive to some but effective to others, thus exemplifying a consistent attraction to love whether it be negative or positive.
Defining love is personal account and changes over our lifetime. However, it seems that commercializing the idea of love has branded it as the ultimate success. "Can't buy me love" (but it sure helps if you try!) We are bombarded with movies and music and pop-culture that motivates us to believe that love is vital for our existence and brings a life of material wealth. Phrases like, "I can't live without you" or "he better put a ring on it," are perfect examples of how love has been sold as something we live and die for, or strive for the material success of a partnership. Movies sell us the happy ending of finding our one true love through obstacles and hardship, while music soothes your broken heart from a lost or vengeful lover. "Love conquers all." "All you need is love." I believe that love is indefinable. Its something that changes and evolves with each day and person welcomed into your life. It is personal. It's not the picture that is engrained into our minds as children or young adults. Grow up, find your true love, marry, have kids, happily ever after... bull$*#t! It is a manufactured lie that sets us up for disappointment, so we can buy our way to the happy ending with the cars and the houses and the jewelry and sell ourselves out on the lie that love with complete us, make us happy, and fulfill our dreams. May sound bitter or jaded, but I feel its a realistic look at what our society sells us about life and love.
I think love can definitely be a form of disease sometimes. A disease for the need of passion, a disease of an unconscious feeling of a need of someone’s present at all times (co-dependence). Do we need to be in love with someone to feel security? What about a disease in the form of obsession, as we see commonly in our society today where people physical hurt or kill to feel control over the person they claim to love? I believe that love is seen and felt differently for each individual. Do you really need to have the prefect house and the prefect kids, going to the prefect school-to really have happiness and love in your life?
Abuse has no place in love. Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person. Sadly, lots of relationships don't have these qualities and many turn abusive. In fact, 1 in 11 high school students report being physically hurt by a date. People in abusive relationships sometimes mistake the abuse for intense feelings of caring or concern. When you know someone can be loving, it can be hard to stop wanting to be with them even if they have hurt you. It’s an exciting feeling, being in love. It can be almost addictive. But if someone really respects you, they should treat you well all the time, not just sometimes.
It's an interesting article, and I do believe it has some credible information. However, I do disagree with some of the things it said. I dont believe people commit to one another for only self interest. I do feel it's a cooperative exchange. I feel the media has a lot to do with the misrepresentation of what love is. Love in the way I see it is complete understating, mutual agreement and tolerance. Passion and romance need to be equally true and honest. Being grounded and willing to continue to learn from one another Is essential in making loving relationships last. Selfishness and anger is not a representation of what love is. Some may argue that sometimes love and hate can be considered equal, but if you love someone you certainly don't show it by abuse and manipulation. I personally feel that is an outcome from dishonesty, disloyalty and insecurity. I certainly do not endorse abuse or manipulation, i feel people lead to that when there is lack of trust in the relationship. The reason why I feel people are having difficulties finding true love and long Lasting relationships is because people are not finding someone that has equal values. In order for love to be forever lasting, one has to find a partner with equal values and morals. Once the core of the individual is matched with a like minded person, everything will run smoothly and work out just fine.
This blog is about questions or hypothesis about Love but none of these scientists started by defining Love. They discussed about types of Love and proposed their ideas about types or kinds of Love. At the end, nobody can not clearly say anything concrete about love. Therefore, the first thing to do before anyone speculates about any types of Love is to have an universal definition about Love. If we cannot define something how can we debate about types.
Diego Delgado:In my opinion, I think is weird when we talk about love as serotonin rush because we used to see love as a feeling, deep feeling. We have different ideas and meanings about love because we have lived many experienced, that’s why this is a difficult topic. Last week, I read a journal article about the nature of romantic love by Helen Fisher that could add some important researches and statics. The psychologist Elaine Hatfield gave a definition of those types of love that I didn’t know. This post is very informative, and it is a topic that we like. This is the link for the journal article by Helen Fisher: http://www.helenfisher.com/downloads/articles/04natofrl.pdf
Love is one of the greatest things that we have on the earth. I understand that there is so many different ways to define it, however, I simply like to suggest that it is the magic bond between two people. So many great minds in history have attempted to summarize various meanings, and the list is long, but it is really simple to understand actually. There are various kinds and forms of love in the world. I believe that primarily you have a love of companionship and the other is love of passion and sex. The physical aspects of humans is very powerful. Love and sex are like an awesome drug. It is something that really cannot be explained with only words. It is something that is beyond all comprehension. Orgasm and sex are animalistic and are a part of our world. The other powerful aspect of love is that of companionship. A lot of people do not ever want to be alone and therefore always attempt to get a mate. This does not always mean that everything is perfect, but individuals try to make it work. Some people just become stuck in relationships. Even more possiblities exist like the fact that some people stay together because of financial issues. Some people try to stay in love because they have children together. In the end, nobody knows exactly how to define love. Love reaches to the end of the world. To love causes a lot of pain and a lot of commmittment. Some people are better than others at love. Love can also be the bond between a child and a mother, or Jesus and all persons on earth.
This blog has some interesting information regarding love. In some ways I do believe love exists, however, I also believe that love has been commercialized. Movies and advertisements have widely shown women as a sex symbol. They tend to give this “perfect” image on how women should be, act and look like. By doing this TV shows, movies, commercials and so on has given girls a low self-esteem,. They think if they don’t look like those perfect girls shown on TV no one will love them, so when they found that “perfect” someone they feel the need to stay with them no matter what. With these comes abuse and some of them are afraid to leave because they think no one will “love” them the same. I believe that in order to love someone you need to love yourself first and after that, everything else should be easier. You will have respect for yourself and no one would be able to take that away from you. You will give the best you have and expect the same.
I agree with Veronica comments, but there are many types of love as you can see from the hypothesis' in the article. Love can't really be explain through words or trying to classify it. It can either be love for a human being, animal, or a sentimental belonging. Love for human being can begin all intimate and passionate but later it can lead to problematic. All types of love can be problematic, obessive can lead to either uncontrolling annoyance or control or the other persons life. There are those people that do make it past the problems and turn out to actually have a good type of love. Love really can either be the way you want it to be, depends on how you really want it to be and live it. Love is your choice. Do you want to have the good love or would you rather take the challenge?
This is a topic for which I have nothing but questions. As life, love seems a great mystery to me. I can only imagine what we mean by love because I think I have felt love or felt in the state of mind we categorized as love in that basket of feelings. I think that we feel love in so many different ways and that has led me to believe that love is everything that trigers our emotions, actions and decisions in life. I can explain why this is my belief by listing the different ways in which I think love presents itself. Love is my need for companion and acceptance from other humans. If I could bear to be completely alone in the world I would not seem to know what love is. Love is also my desire for everything and anything. Anything that I desire, I desire it because I think will bring me satisfaction, if it brings me satisfaction it makes me happy. Love is also appreciation for what we don't possess for example immortality. If we had eternal life, endless time, could we love anything at all? how would we know that we need something, that we desire something that something gives us satisfaction if we can never loose it? So, love is also fear of not having anything, not belonging, not lasting. I also think that love is the only feeling there is, it presents itself when we feel care, sadness, hate, happiness and laughter, because all of these emotions are either the presence or absence of love, for that matter the presence or absence of satisfaction. To love is to want to live, is to want ourselves to exist, because if we didn't feel love we would not do anything at all. Not feeling love is not seeking any satisfaction. If we didn't seek any satisfaction we would not work or study or try to accomplish anything in life. Love is everything we know and what we know is as abstract and complex as our very existence.
In my opinion passionate love is like the match that starts the fire, and compassionate love is the coals that keep it burning. Based on what I have learned from my own personal experiences I agree with the compassionate and passionate love hypothesis. In the beginning of a relationship I think that 70% is passionate and 30% is compassionate. Passionate love tends to be called the “honeymoon phase”. Once the honeymoon phase is over I think that compassionate love becomes foundation for a successful relationship. Without respect, trust, romanticism, and affection a relationship will not survive. I think that we all have the potential to love how we want, but most of us lose sight of what is really important in a relationship. We do not consider respect and consideration important anymore. Some people think that if they are making the money, they get to make the rules, and their significant other then becomes a piece of property, rather than a mutual life partner. Divorce rates are soaring, and people do not view marriage as a sacred sacrament as before. It’s not surprising that we are obtaining less and less respect for one another. Parents are not teaching their children what it means to respect a woman or other people as well. If we want this to change it has to start with parents teaching their children the correct ways to love, respect, show affection, and romanticism towards a woman/man. Most of all they need to be taught that women/men are not a piece of property, but a human being.
In my opinion, love is a beautiful feeling that with time has lost it's value ans significance. Over time, I woudl say media has been the biggest impact upon all of us in the way we tend to react. Media has found a way to slowly and unconsiously brain wash all of us. If you come to think about all the love issues and love scandals we see everyday, it is really hard to find a similar or rather existing situation 20 years ago. First, love shouldn't be something that's revolved around money or should not be a factor used to brain wash people. 8 out of 10 commercials these days are mostly found to be succesful if they portray a man or a woman as a sex symbol. This century has the stupid idea that sex sells, which sadly it does, in turn diminishing the actual value and purpose of love. Just the other day I was watchin a BK commercial, with Paris Hilton in a bikini eating her burger, is that how we are supposed to think? Having a burger is as hot as PH? RIDICULOUS! Sadly, all this stuff sells. And by watching this we are trained in slow motion to see each other as sex symbols. It's like a rage that's inflicted blind folded. Not only that, but children also see these commercials so since so young age their are taught to see a women as a sex symbol and vice versa. Love has not only lost it's meaning and purpose with media but it also creates kind of a superficial love.
Also, the theory that passionate love lasts 6-30 months I believe that factors such as media are the cause for this. It is sad to think that our generation views love this way, when it shouldnt have an end. How did our grandparents and some of our parents survive the 6-30 month stage? The answer is simple. They weren't as brain washed as we are. Know with all this online dating, and meeting couples online, of course your going to loose the chemistry that fast. It is kind of sad to end up on a dating site, where first of all your just exposing yourself to danger. It is not like we don't see or interact with at least 10 people every day. We always have somebody around us! Also, all that spouse exchange and open relationships ideas that have emerged, of course love is going to die that soon if you and your couple decide to try it with other people while your in a relationship. True love does exist, it's a matter of finding the right person that share similar things and values with you. Every relationship takes works, but how can you expect it to last if you have so many temptations out there. We are all humans, we all get tempted from time to time. The temptation might start with a stupid sexual commercial, and die with the idea of exchanging a spouse. You don't have to be a scientist to figure that one out. Over time the respect for love has been lost. We see it a lot in the media, all those show like John and Kate plus 8, shows that only send out the wrong idea and message to the public in turn to make money. Not only that but they are screwing the lives of many children. I can't even imagine how many psychological problems those children might grow up to have if their lives have been publically exposed since they where born. All these things are the things that are affecting the beliefs of love. Love didn't just happen, love has happened! I come to think, how did my grandparents survive a marriage of 57 years and where boyfriend and girlfriend 7 years before they where married? Times have changed, that's what happened! Respect and values have been lost.
All these wrong form of love exposed by the media is what has confused and over time cause the lost in value for what love really is. And it is sad to thing that as time progresses things keep changing, and only for the worse. There are no moral values and no respect. If some people cannot respect themselves, which that I consider to be no selfless love, how can you expect to love somebody else? How can you survive a relationship longer than 30 months if you cannot survive one week with the same man or women?
Love is a confusing and complicated subject to many people and it is this confusion that makes it easy for media and advertising agencies to manipulate people into thinking or acting in certain ways. I do believe that love is used wrongly to get people to buy certain products. Love does exist as itself but this idea is confused with sex and passion. When Hatfield talks about compassionate love versus passionate love, I think that compassionate love based on respect and friendship is the only love that exists. Passionate love is not love but lust, an emotion or physical attraction, seperate from what we feel as love. I think that aside from sexual tension, the love you feel for your family is very much the same as the love you feel for your husband or wife.
27 comments:
“Do you Know that…” As we look at all these “great” posting we can have multiple discussions. These discussions can be fun and at times funny. At the end, they can be classified as a waste of time. These issues which exist today existed since the beginning of time. They may be called E coli today or the plaque many years ago. The common denominator in all these events in history is mankind. Don’t know why we use the word “kind” to descript our species (that’s a point for another time). The issue here is that mankind is greedy and believes that its own life is more valuable than another. It is accepted for a mother to defend her child against another child. Regardless of who is in the right? For those of you who do not follow the rules of society; you are the guilty ones. You may feel sorry for these animals and how they are treated but you feed this demand with your conscience decision to contribute to society by not following the simple rules.
As we discuss and try to understand what “true” knowledge is we can talk about what is right and wrong? Does mankind know what is right versus what is wrong? Do we receive this “knowledge” from a higher source, from our parents or from our experiences? If you really want to make a difference in this world you MUST understand that you are only a guess. No matter what material things you obtain you can not take with you. So keep eating at the wrong places, keeping the blinders on and continue to feel as you are better than everyone else. As the old say goes “It won’t matter in 100 years”. Ruben M.
Based on personal experiences, I can relate more to the compassionate and passionate love hypothesis. Many of my family member's love stories seem to go in this pattern. They describe it as basically being star-truck and then having to learn how to manage these overwhelming emotions into something functional, forced by the desire of keeping the companionship of the person who provokes these amazing feelings; I think it fits perfectly the supernatural perception of love humanity has, which I believe in. It comes one day, unexpected out of no where; you can't hide it, and you can't control it; is the one event which has all the qualities to change a person's life; it is then up to the persons to make it bloom into the best thing that would ever happen to you or the craziest and most traumatizing significant event which shapes who you become, either way, when "love" comes is innevitable to be affected, is the one thing along desire which will drive you to do things you never thought you did or wish you never did.
Just as Wendolly can relate to the compassionate and passionate love hypothesis, so can I out of personal experiences. I agree very well when it said that "passionate love" tends to last about 6-30 month. that love tends to bloom out from a desire to be with that person, a form of lust, that doesn't even make you sleep, the person then feels compelled to keep this personf orever but, sooner or later, the body changes and seratonin level changes and lust is no longer int he picture, and the relationship falls apart. Compassionate love i believe, is the best form, out of personal experience. Yes there is understanding and respect, is that not worth more? While the emotion are not as intense! it does last much longer, and it does have it's day of intensiveness aswell. Compassionate love doesn't necessarily have to rule out libido. Love is a very broad term, as the biggning says, people even tend to kill while in love, if someone kills, do they really love then? or is it selfish love?
One thing for sure, is that love makes your life shine so much brighter. In my opinion, without love, you don’t have much. This doesn’t mean you have to be IN love, you just have to have a passion for something, something that makes it worth living. Love is not a disease but it is definitely addicting based on the fact that people need the feeling of security, passion, and affection. We all feel this serotonin rush when we are attracted to someone and it takes control over our bodies. We are addicted to this feeling and want it to keep coming back.
I definitely think that the need of attachment can be based on selfish manipulation. We don’t need love, we want it. We want someone to care and give us happiness, physical contact, and so on.
Although the need for love/attachment can be based on manipulation, I don’t believe that we love the way we do based on a prepackaged form of manipulation of the system. According to some, compassionate love can be a form of social domestication. I don’t see it this way. I believe that society puts more pressure on people to fall in love, but when we do, it’s real. We don’t try to brainwash our minds to feel the way we do, the feelings are there and very real.
Love is a beautiful thing, or at least it should be. My mother always told me that love is like a plant, that you have to water it with more and more love everyday and I agree. Love is a strong word, for people who have strong feelings for one another. Its not something that you can just throw around to your advantage. As we grow older, our perspective of life changes, its part of growing up into mature adults. Of course some don't always mature and can see things like its some type of game. But love is one you can not take like that.
Being a person who is strongly into relationships and for love I can say, society has and will always have an impact on us no matter how hard we try, and this issue with love is no different.
Example: How can you be with someone and even get to the point into exchanging vows, which is something serious and its a life time commitment to that other person and then do something that is obviously wrong and will hurt that person deeply. From hiding things to cheating, and then coming back to that person and saying "I love you". People say that love is sometimes painful but how can you love someone and vowed to love and be with them forever, to honor them and respect them, yet they go out pleasuring another person with the same hands and body, which you used to claim love to your spouse. Love is like your morals, dignity and respect to yourself. Its the same rules from today as it was 50 years ago. Of course the right morals and stuff, you cant use that whole "time has changed" deal because when something is wrong, its wrong. No ifs, ands or buts about it. The rules to morals never change, for love either.
Love is passion. To love someone is to discover feelings that you never thought you can have for someone else. At least ion my personal experience that is how it is.I have always been passionate about relationships and i think that you can totally convert passionate love into compassionate love and then make the perfect relationship.
In regards to desire and respect. To love someone is to respect that someone , it does not have anything to do with desiring someone or not. If you love you respect and if you respect you desire. Desire for the one that you love is not a bad thing ,on the contrary , it makes your feelings stronger for that person.
Ok, I know you have certain ideas about love, but the issue here is to problematize them. To present them at least under the gaze of questioning. Even what we think "is" needs to be presented and justified, not just assumed. Now can you do that in 100 words? I think it's worth trying.
I think love itself is a wonderful thing but unfortunately sometimes we do not express it correctly. I think the problem starts when we confuse love with obsession. I cannot understand how some people can abuse loved ones, love is caring for the person we are with and abuse and violence are not signs of love at all. I totally believe people who abuse loves ones have some kind of mental illness. Unfortunately love sickness is growing every day and we see it everywhere, even celebrities are facing it. I believe different motives exist to cause people to fall in love with each other and in some cases these motives are based on cultural belief or selfishness. Love can turn unhealthy if we do not keep it in balance. Love can be a drug sometimes and like all drugs it has negative side effects but it can also be a positive emotion which can help us overcome many obstacles. I agree today love is connected to material goods and that is why we should not follow society rules. We cannot live out of love but love should also not be connected with material goods as much as society is trying to make us believe. Love can get us strength to follow complete our goals in life but it cannot make them happen.
We love our children differently than we love our parents, and we love our home differently than we love our partner. We love our family unconditionally (or at least we try) and selflessly. The love for our home is that of security, comfort and perhaps of a social status. All straight forward. Love with a partner gets more complicated. As we live in a very fast-paced era, even our relationships seem to be different. Unfortunately, it is evident that many of us seek relationships as security blankets to soothe our own insecurities and feeding our egos, rather than seeking more intimate unions based on respect and understanding. Society dictates some form of prescribed monogamist formula, where we claim a sense of ownership of the other person, rather than being more tolerant to their goals and desires. Relationships based on respect, friendships and deep intimacy and trust usually lack the spark and passion of those manic crazy love encounters. We need both. Yet it is impossible to sustain the same passion for decades with the same person. On the other hand, manic unions offer little emotional comfort, true understanding and caring for the other person. In any case we find either sexual or emotional infidelity in both scenarios. Maybe there is more to poly-amorous relationships free of jealousy and unhealthy attachment issues than we would allow ourselves to think about, and would it be a wrong concept to openly accept for a society already confused with the meaning of love?
What came first, the chicken or the egg? This blog suggests the chicken came first. How do we jump straight to crediting Hollywood for “Love”. Would we consider Bill the creator or father of love? Or did he just capture his observations of human behavior or that of his own. This claim seems more like we are begging the question. Just because Hollywood has made many movies on the subject does not yield them the puppet masters for our society in relation to love. These venues are the by products of our natural instinct to Love.
To consider love as a driver or being responsible for manipulation, hatred, abuse and even murder seems to be a fallacy. These are all human “inherited” emotions. The fact that love may have been the ultimate goal, the means chosen or used such as murder cannot be blamed on love. Since manipulation, hatred, abuse and murder are not necessary conditions for love.
As far as the other studies describe in this blog I believe we can all agree that “Love” is a powerful human emotion. Love may not be a sufficient condition for happiness but we can make an argument that it does enhance. Another point, which I would like to make, is my refusal to accept the suggestion that “passionate love” only last 6 to 30 months.
So, one can pick on “love” and blame it for unfavorable events but I enjoy the stinging feeling of the arrow and love buying my special woman her roses and dark chocolate! Ruben M.
The theory about compassionate and passionate love seems like a pretty accurate way to describe love. The blend of both of these aspects is what the search for love is all about. In today’s society divorce rates are so high because of the point Elaine Hatfield brings up: “passionate love arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal lover, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person.” Popular culture puts all these ideas out there that are supposed to be the “ideal” way to have a relationship, meet the person, get to know them, get married, move in together, and have kids. These are the reasons one is supposed to be seeking a relationship for, but as other psychologists have pointed out, the desire seems to take over sooner or later. Once people realize this fairy tale life isn’t for them it’s too late.
In my opinion love is an inevitable addiction; But like any addiction, it can be used as a positive or negative motivational tool of life Depending on whether a person was deprived or in excess of love at a young age; Furthermore reflecting how that person uses and views it in every day life. For example, someone who has had a sufficient amount of physical love his/her entire life and becomes the lead director of an advertising agency. He/ she then approves an advertisement that expresses love in a physical form that seems offensive to some but effective to others, thus exemplifying a consistent attraction to love whether it be negative or positive.
Defining love is personal account and changes over our lifetime. However, it seems that commercializing the idea of love has branded it as the ultimate success. "Can't buy me love" (but it sure helps if you try!) We are bombarded with movies and music and pop-culture that motivates us to believe that love is vital for our existence and brings a life of material wealth. Phrases like, "I can't live without you" or "he better put a ring on it," are perfect examples of how love has been sold as something we live and die for, or strive for the material success of a partnership. Movies sell us the happy ending of finding our one true love through obstacles and hardship, while music soothes your broken heart from a lost or vengeful lover. "Love conquers all." "All you need is love." I believe that love is indefinable. Its something that changes and evolves with each day and person welcomed into your life. It is personal. It's not the picture that is engrained into our minds as children or young adults. Grow up, find your true love, marry, have kids, happily ever after... bull$*#t! It is a manufactured lie that sets us up for disappointment, so we can buy our way to the happy ending with the cars and the houses and the jewelry and sell ourselves out on the lie that love with complete us, make us happy, and fulfill our dreams. May sound bitter or jaded, but I feel its a realistic look at what our society sells us about life and love.
Allison Mendoza
I think love can definitely be a form of disease sometimes. A disease for the need of passion, a disease of an unconscious feeling of a need of someone’s present at all times (co-dependence). Do we need to be in love with someone to feel security? What about a disease in the form of obsession, as we see commonly in our society today where people physical hurt or kill to feel control over the person they claim to love? I believe that love is seen and felt differently for each individual. Do you really need to have the prefect house and the prefect kids, going to the prefect school-to really have happiness and love in your life?
Abuse has no place in love. Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person. Sadly, lots of relationships don't have these qualities and many turn abusive. In fact, 1 in 11 high school students report being physically hurt by a date. People in abusive relationships sometimes mistake the abuse for intense feelings of caring or concern.
When you know someone can be loving, it can be hard to stop wanting to be with them even if they have hurt you. It’s an exciting feeling, being in love. It can be almost addictive. But if someone really respects you, they should treat you well all the time, not just sometimes.
It's an interesting article, and I do believe it has some credible information. However, I do disagree with some of the things it said. I dont believe people commit to one another for only self interest. I do feel it's a cooperative exchange.
I feel the media has a lot to do with the misrepresentation of what love is. Love in the way I see it is complete understating, mutual agreement and tolerance. Passion and romance need to be equally true and honest.
Being grounded and willing to continue to learn from one another Is essential in making loving relationships last.
Selfishness and anger is not a representation of what love is. Some may argue that sometimes love and hate can be considered equal, but if you love someone you certainly don't show it by abuse and manipulation. I personally feel that is an outcome from dishonesty, disloyalty and insecurity.
I certainly do not endorse abuse or manipulation, i feel people lead to that when there is lack of trust in the relationship.
The reason why I feel people are having difficulties finding true love and long Lasting relationships is because people are not finding someone that has equal values. In order for love to be forever lasting, one has to find a partner with equal values and morals. Once the core of the individual is matched with a like minded person, everything will run smoothly and work out just fine.
Leandro Toledo
This blog is about questions or hypothesis about Love but none of these scientists started by defining Love. They discussed about types of Love and proposed their ideas about types or kinds of Love. At the end, nobody can not clearly say anything concrete about love. Therefore, the first thing to do before anyone speculates about any types of Love is to have an universal definition about Love. If we cannot define something how can we debate about types.
Diego Delgado:In my opinion, I think is weird when we talk about love as serotonin rush because we used to see love as a feeling, deep feeling. We have different ideas and meanings about love because we have lived many experienced, that’s why this is a difficult topic. Last week, I read a journal article about the nature of romantic love by Helen Fisher that could add some important researches and statics. The psychologist Elaine Hatfield gave a definition of those types of love that I didn’t know. This post is very informative, and it is a topic that we like. This is the link for the journal article by Helen Fisher: http://www.helenfisher.com/downloads/articles/04natofrl.pdf
Love is one of the greatest things that we have on the earth. I understand that there is so many different ways to define it, however, I simply like to suggest that it is the magic bond between two people. So many great minds in history have attempted to summarize various meanings, and the list is long, but it is really simple to understand actually.
There are various kinds and forms of love in the world. I believe that primarily you have a love of companionship and the other is love of passion and sex. The physical aspects of humans is very powerful. Love and sex are like an awesome drug. It is something that really cannot be explained with only words. It is something that is beyond all comprehension. Orgasm and sex are animalistic and are a part of our world.
The other powerful aspect of love is that of companionship. A lot of people do not ever want to be alone and therefore always attempt to get a mate. This does not always mean that everything is perfect, but individuals try to make it work. Some people just become stuck in relationships. Even more possiblities exist like the fact that some people stay together because of financial issues. Some people try to stay in love because they have children together.
In the end, nobody knows exactly how to define love. Love reaches to the end of the world. To love causes a lot of pain and a lot of commmittment. Some people are better than others at love. Love can also be the bond between a child and a mother, or Jesus and all persons on earth.
This blog has some interesting information regarding love. In some ways I do believe love exists, however, I also believe that love has been commercialized. Movies and advertisements have widely shown women as a sex symbol. They tend to give this “perfect” image on how women should be, act and look like. By doing this TV shows, movies, commercials and so on has given girls a low self-esteem,. They think if they don’t look like those perfect girls shown on TV no one will love them, so when they found that “perfect” someone they feel the need to stay with them no matter what. With these comes abuse and some of them are afraid to leave because they think no one will “love” them the same. I believe that in order to love someone you need to love yourself first and after that, everything else should be easier. You will have respect for yourself and no one would be able to take that away from you. You will give the best you have and expect the same.
Rebeca Furniss
I agree with Veronica comments, but there are many types of love as you can see from the hypothesis' in the article. Love can't really be explain through words or trying to classify it. It can either be love for a human being, animal, or a sentimental belonging. Love for human being can begin all intimate and passionate but later it can lead to problematic. All types of love can be problematic, obessive can lead to either uncontrolling annoyance or control or the other persons life. There are those people that do make it past the problems and turn out to actually have a good type of love. Love really can either be the way you want it to be, depends on how you really want it to be and live it. Love is your choice. Do you want to have the good love or would you rather take the challenge?
This is a topic for which I have nothing but questions. As life, love seems a great mystery to me. I can only imagine what we mean by love because I think I have felt love or felt in the state of mind we categorized as love in that basket of feelings. I think that we feel love in so many different ways and that has led me to believe that love is everything that trigers our emotions, actions and decisions in life. I can explain why this is my belief by listing the different ways in which I think love presents itself. Love is my need for companion and acceptance from other humans. If I could bear to be completely alone in the world I would not seem to know what love is. Love is also my desire for everything and anything. Anything that I desire, I desire it because I think will bring me satisfaction, if it brings me satisfaction it makes me happy. Love is also appreciation for what we don't possess for example immortality. If we had eternal life, endless time, could we love anything at all? how would we know that we need something, that we desire something that something gives us satisfaction if we can never loose it? So, love is also fear of not having anything, not belonging, not lasting. I also think that love is the only feeling there is, it presents itself when we feel care, sadness, hate, happiness and laughter, because all of these emotions are either the presence or absence of love, for that matter the presence or absence of satisfaction. To love is to want to live, is to want ourselves to exist, because if we didn't feel love we would not do anything at all. Not feeling love is not seeking any satisfaction. If we didn't seek any satisfaction we would not work or study or try to accomplish anything in life. Love is everything we know and what we know is as abstract and complex as our very existence.
In my opinion passionate love is like the match that starts the fire, and compassionate love is the coals that keep it burning. Based on what I have learned from my own personal experiences I agree with the compassionate and passionate love hypothesis. In the beginning of a relationship I think that 70% is passionate and 30% is compassionate. Passionate love tends to be called the “honeymoon phase”. Once the honeymoon phase is over I think that compassionate love becomes foundation for a successful relationship. Without respect, trust, romanticism, and affection a relationship will not survive. I think that we all have the potential to love how we want, but most of us lose sight of what is really important in a relationship. We do not consider respect and consideration important anymore. Some people think that if they are making the money, they get to make the rules, and their significant other then becomes a piece of property, rather than a mutual life partner. Divorce rates are soaring, and people do not view marriage as a sacred sacrament as before. It’s not surprising that we are obtaining less and less respect for one another. Parents are not teaching their children what it means to respect a woman or other people as well. If we want this to change it has to start with parents teaching their children the correct ways to love, respect, show affection, and romanticism towards a woman/man. Most of all they need to be taught that women/men are not a piece of property, but a human being.
In my opinion, love is a beautiful feeling that with time has lost it's value ans significance. Over time, I woudl say media has been the biggest impact upon all of us in the way we tend to react. Media has found a way to slowly and unconsiously brain wash all of us. If you come to think about all the love issues and love scandals we see everyday, it is really hard to find a similar or rather existing situation 20 years ago. First, love shouldn't be something that's revolved around money or should not be a factor used to brain wash people. 8 out of 10 commercials these days are mostly found to be succesful if they portray a man or a woman as a sex symbol. This century has the stupid idea that sex sells, which sadly it does, in turn diminishing the actual value and purpose of love. Just the other day I was watchin a BK commercial, with Paris Hilton in a bikini eating her burger, is that how we are supposed to think? Having a burger is as hot as PH? RIDICULOUS! Sadly, all this stuff sells. And by watching this we are trained in slow motion to see each other as sex symbols. It's like a rage that's inflicted blind folded. Not only that, but children also see these commercials so since so young age their are taught to see a women as a sex symbol and vice versa. Love has not only lost it's meaning and purpose with media but it also creates kind of a superficial love.
Also, the theory that passionate love lasts 6-30 months I believe that factors such as media are the cause for this. It is sad to think that our generation views love this way, when it shouldnt have an end. How did our grandparents and some of our parents survive the 6-30 month stage? The answer is simple. They weren't as brain washed as we are. Know with all this online dating, and meeting couples online, of course your going to loose the chemistry that fast. It is kind of sad to end up on a dating site, where first of all your just exposing yourself to danger. It is not like we don't see or interact with at least 10 people every day. We always have somebody around us! Also, all that spouse exchange and open relationships ideas that have emerged, of course love is going to die that soon if you and your couple decide to try it with other people while your in a relationship. True love does exist, it's a matter of finding the right person that share similar things and values with you. Every relationship takes works, but how can you expect it to last if you have so many temptations out there. We are all humans, we all get tempted from time to time. The temptation might start with a stupid sexual commercial, and die with the idea of exchanging a spouse. You don't have to be a scientist to figure that one out. Over time the respect for love has been lost. We see it a lot in the media, all those show like John and Kate plus 8, shows that only send out the wrong idea and message to the public in turn to make money. Not only that but they are screwing the lives of many children. I can't even imagine how many psychological problems those children might grow up to have if their lives have been publically exposed since they where born. All these things are the things that are affecting the beliefs of love. Love didn't just happen, love has happened! I come to think, how did my grandparents survive a marriage of 57 years and where boyfriend and girlfriend 7 years before they where married? Times have changed, that's what happened! Respect and values have been lost.
All these wrong form of love exposed by the media is what has confused and over time cause the lost in value for what love really is. And it is sad to thing that as time progresses things keep changing, and only for the worse. There are no moral values and no respect. If some people cannot respect themselves, which that I consider to be no selfless love, how can you expect to love somebody else? How can you survive a relationship longer than 30 months if you cannot survive one week with the same man or women?
Love is a confusing and complicated subject to many people and it is this confusion that makes it easy for media and advertising agencies to manipulate people into thinking or acting in certain ways. I do believe that love is used wrongly to get people to buy certain products. Love does exist as itself but this idea is confused with sex and passion. When Hatfield talks about compassionate love versus passionate love, I think that compassionate love based on respect and friendship is the only love that exists. Passionate love is not love but lust, an emotion or physical attraction, seperate from what we feel as love. I think that aside from sexual tension, the love you feel for your family is very much the same as the love you feel for your husband or wife.
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